Handling attention seeking behavior in children with autism

To “win” when handling attention-seeking behavior in children with autism — meaning to effectively manage it while supporting your child’s development — focus on these key steps:

Overcoming this isn’t about stopping your child from seeking attention — it’s about helping them do it in positive, healthy ways, while building their communication and confidence.

Why Children with Autism May Seek Attention Differently

Children with autism may seek attention in ways that look different from what parents might expect. This is largely due to how autism affects communication, social understanding, and sensory processing.

For example, a child with autism may struggle to use typical social cues like eye contact, gestures, or spoken words to get your attention. Instead, they might engage in behaviors such as repeating phrases, making loud noises, or using physical actions to draw focus to themselves.

It’s also common for children with autism to seek attention through repetitive behaviors or routines that feel comforting to them. These actions may not always seem attention-seeking at first glance, but they can serve as a way for the child to engage with others or control their environment.

It’s important to remember that these behaviors are not intentional misbehavior. They often reflect the child’s effort to connect, communicate, or manage feelings of uncertainty or frustration. Understanding this can help parents respond with patience and strategies that support both their child’s needs and their own well-being.

Identifying the attention-seeking behavior in children with autism

Attention-seeking behavior refers to any action a child uses to gain the focus, interest, or reaction of others. All children — whether neurotypical or neurodivergent — seek attention from the adults and peers around them. It’s a natural part of development and human interaction.

Sometimes, this behavior is positive, like asking for help, showing a drawing, or asking to play. Other times, it may appear disruptive or challenging, such as shouting, interrupting, or acting out.

It’s important to understand that, at its core, attention-seeking behavior is not about being “naughty” or difficult. It’s often a child’s way of expressing a need — for connection, reassurance, or simply to feel seen.

Positive behaviors

It's pretty difficult to identify positive attention-seeking behavior if you don't know beforehand. In such situations, you will find your children asking for your help for the simple tasks they could easily do on their own.

A child with autism may not to know how to perform a certain task. The use of a simple phrase, "Look at me! Look at this!" more often than usual, will hint toward the attention-seeking behavior.

Here's a list of some common positive attention-seeking behaviors:

• Talking about their achievements over and over again
• Resharing the stories of good moments
• Exaggerating the incidents that happened
• Asking for help in routine tasks
• Bragging about themselves
• Talking less frequently or being quiet most of the time

Negative behaviors

Parents often confuse negative attention-seeking behavior with misbehavior. The key differentiating feature is the intensity and frequency of these behaviors. If a child repeats a bad behavior with enhanced aggression, it is most likely a negative attention-seeking behavior.

Following are a few examples:

• Fighting with siblings without a specific cause
• Shouting, crying, or yelling without any reason
• Throwing something at you and smiling
• Hitting other children
• Raising their voice
• Interrupting a conversation
• Slamming doors
• Harming themselves or others

Common Triggers for Attention-Seeking

Attention-seeking behavior doesn’t happen in isolation — there are often specific situations or feelings that lead a child to act out in order to get your focus. For children with autism, these triggers can be more frequent or less obvious due to differences in how they process the world around them.

Here are some common reasons your child may be seeking extra attention:

1. Difficulty Communicating Needs

When a child struggles to express themselves with words, gestures, or typical social cues, they may turn to more noticeable behaviors to get your attention. This can happen even when they know some words — frustration or anxiety can make it harder to communicate clearly in the moment.

2. Feeling Overwhelmed or Under-Stimulated

Sensory experiences can be intense for children with autism. Bright lights, loud noises, unfamiliar places, or even crowded rooms can overwhelm them. On the other hand, some children may feel bored or under-stimulated and seek attention as a way to create engagement or activity.

3. Changes in Routine or Environment

Many children with autism thrive on routine and predictability. When their usual schedule is disrupted — for example, during holidays, doctor visits, or moving to a new house — they may act out to get reassurance or regain a sense of control.

4. Desire for Social Connection

Despite common misconceptions, many children with autism do want connection — they just may express it differently. If they feel left out, misunderstood, or disconnected, they may use attention-seeking behaviors as their way of reaching out, even if those behaviors seem challenging.

5. Previous Success with the Behavior

Children are quick learners when it comes to attention. If a certain behavior — even a negative one — has successfully gained your focus before, they may repeat it. For example, if a tantrum resulted in immediate attention or a change in activity, they’re likely to try that behavior again.

Strategies to manage the attention-seeking behaviors

While the positive behaviors may be subtle, dealing with negative, also known as dysfunctional, attention-seeking behaviors can become a great challenge. Handling attention-seeking behavior in children with autism requires both long-term and short-term strategies.

You'll need preventive and pre-planned, reactive techniques, which can be applied before and when the behavior appears.

Long-term preventive techniques

Below we will talk about some strategies you should apply in your routine to lower the chances of a child with autism, expressing an attention-seeking behavior. These long-term preventive techniques can even eradicate such behaviors.

1. Share quality time together

One of the best ways to make your child feel good is to spend quality time together. It’s important to make an effort to dedicate time solely to your child. If you have more than one child with autism, make sure each child gets individual quality time. Giving one-on-one time to each child makes sure they will feel seen and heard.

This time doesn't have to be several hours. It can be as short as thirty minutes per day. The only secret here is consistency. Your children will look forward to it when you make arrangements for this special time, at the same time, every day. During this time, both of you can do any activity that they are interested in or you can use the time to simply chat about what they like.

2. Offer focused attention

With so many tasks around to be done, sometimes it's difficult for a parent to offer focused attention to their children. That's why it's essential to be mentally and physically present with them. When your child knows that they are the sole center of your attention, they will feel relaxed.

Receiving undivided attention reduces the symptoms of hyperactivity and lowers anxiety arising from attention deficiency. If you're busy at the moment, take at least a few minutes to explain to them why you are not available to listen to them right away. It will clear time limits and set boundaries about what to expect and when.

3. Establish open communication in routine

Listening and talking to your child makes them feel understood. That's how communication can replace attention with connection. A child who feels connected with their parents is less likely to manifest attention-seeking behaviors.

You can also use this strategy when you notice the particular behavior. Ask your child if they know what's going on, and then politely explain why you will not appreciate this bad behavior and that they are still loved and appreciated.

4. Praise your child for positive behavior

Praising your child for their positive behavior can help shift their focus if their positive behavior is getting them attention.

Verbally praising your child and rewarding good behavior can help set a pattern of positive reinforcement that may eventually help your child shift from negative attention-seeking behaviors to positive ones.

5. Engage your child in household chores

Engaging your child in household duties can help them learn skills at home and keep them occupied. Teaching your child how to contribute in house duties can help enhance their self-confidence and in turn reduce attention-seeking behaviors.

Some household chores you can help your child with are watering the plants, folding or putting away laundry, emptying the dishwasher, or even organizing their toys.

Reactive short-term techniques

Now, we will walk you through three ways you can handle attention-seeking behaviors in the heat of the moment.

1. Ignore the bad behavior

Simply ignoring your child's negative behaviors, despite having a strong urge to call them out, can be very difficult. As a parent, you might be trapped in self-blame for not 'correcting' your child's bad behavior or supporting them through a difficult episode.

You might find it hard to withhold your attention during that time. Ignoring bad behavior may reduce your child’s urge to display the bad behavior if they are seeing it is not getting them attention. It’s important to note that ignoring bad behavior is ok as long as your child is safe and not causing harm to themselves or others.

Giving your child any attention at that moment can encourage your child to continue the bad behavior.

2. Use a distraction technique

Redirecting attention from the issue to something your child likes to do can temporarily stop the bad behavior. Keeping note of what works for your child in these instances can help prepare you for future episodes.

3. Keep calm, and give yourself time

Being patient with handling attention-seeking behaviors in children with autism is super important. Don't forget to take a few deep breaths and remind yourself to be gentle with yourself and your child. Remember, you are breaking a pattern and building a habit! It may take you months to wait for the results you desire.

It’s also important to work with your child’s care team to help develop techniques that will help you and your child in these situations

You may not see the progress every other day, but you'll see how far you've come, one day!

When to Seek Professional Guidance

Parenting a child with autism can be rewarding, but it also comes with moments of uncertainty — especially when it comes to managing attention-seeking behaviors. While many strategies can be implemented at home, there are times when seeking professional support is not only helpful but necessary.

Knowing when to ask for help is a strength, not a weakness. It shows your commitment to understanding your child’s needs and giving them the best chance to thrive.

Here are some signs it may be time to reach out to a professional:

1. The Behavior Becomes Frequent or Severe

If your child’s attention-seeking behaviors happen often, are disruptive to daily life, or escalate to aggression or self-injury, professional support can help you manage the situation safely and effectively.

2. Strategies at Home Aren’t Working

Even with consistency and patience, some behaviors may not improve on their own. A professional can assess the situation, identify underlying causes, and guide you toward new tools and approaches tailored to your child.

3. Communication Challenges are a Major Barrier

If your child struggles significantly to express their needs, this can fuel frustration and attention-seeking behaviors. Speech and language therapists, for example, can help build your child’s communication skills, reducing the need for negative attention-seeking.

4. You Feel Overwhelmed or Burnt Out

Caring for a child with complex needs can take a toll on your emotional health. If you feel exhausted, discouraged, or unsure of what to do next, seeking guidance can provide both practical support and emotional relief.

5. You Want a Clearer Plan for Progress

Sometimes, families simply need reassurance and structure. Behavioral specialists, occupational therapists, or autism support teams can work with you to create a step-by-step plan tailored to your child and family.

Who Can Help?

Many professionals specialize in supporting children with autism and their families, including:

• Developmental pediatricians

• Psychologists or behavioral therapists (such as those trained in Applied Behavior Analysis)

• Speech and language therapists

• Occupational therapists

• Autism support organizations and parent groups

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